I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
