So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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