why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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