That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize