my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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