had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
