he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
