I feel great
I just peed on a car
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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