GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
