hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
No subtext here. People are naked.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins