Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
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You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
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So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me