would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
