Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
