why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
