Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
