two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
