i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
