I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
