Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Randomize