Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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