I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
