so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
