I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
