OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
