overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
