Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
