Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
