Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
love makes seman taste better
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Randomize
