Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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