I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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