I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
