im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
