did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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