hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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