i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
