im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
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I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
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Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize