I think im going to throw up on grandma
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize