just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
