dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
try to milk me bitch
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
