Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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