I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
