i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize