Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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