You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
