i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
