So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
