first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
