what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
