He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
