got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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