i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
