I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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