hotel room ftw
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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