I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You were trust falling into bushes
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
