just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
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He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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