I wanna bring you to show and tell
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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