Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
