don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
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