I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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