stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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