that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
